Tuesday, May 6, 2014

On forgiveness

Why does it take so much of an effort to forgive someone who is dear to you. The closer someone is to you, the more hurt one feels and the harder it is to accept the pain they have caused and forgive them. Forgiveness is important, for it opens the shut door in your heart and undoes the hurt to restores an untarnished relationship. Is there a thing as 'untarnished relationship' after forgiveness? But logically it should be easier to forgive someone dear to you because of the wonderful moments shared and instances where that person has brought joy to your life. But why does all these wonderful memories fade and the only occasion or two where the other person let you down fixate? And what does it take to go back and forget those unpleasant instances?

What is that 'thing' that one needs to forgive someone. What ever that 'thing' is why is it so hard to keep constant after you have taken that decision to forgive. Sometimes I think - isn't it much easier to be that person who let you down and apologizes rather than being the person who has to forgive and put things behind like it never happened. I used to think that lost trust is the stumbling block to forgiveness. The sincerity of an apology and the fear of being hurt also has something to do with forgiveness. In that case how come its still hard to forgiving those who are no longer a part of your life. I once remember discussing this with a dear friend and she told me “Just say it aloud – I forgive you (name) and get it out. This person is not even a part of your life anymore and its taking a lot of wasteful room in your heart.” Well she was right! Even though it was a long struggle to genuinely let it be gone, it did free some space in my heart. So the restoration of trust proposition is not even applicable here. Considering my current understanding of myself and this issue, given a choice it would be easier to be the person who says “Sorry, I messed up, what can I do to fix this?” rather than the person who says “That's ok, I forgive you”. But given situations I have always failed at trying to switch roles or lash back as I realize it to be a feeble attempt of self protection. Ultimately, I think its very unfair that a person who has already gone though unfair treatment has to additionally go through the struggle of forgiving.   

So finally where do I stand on forgiveness? Well pretty much on the wall!
Though that some'thing' which I need to forgive comes at a struggle and very slowly to me, I shall attempt to practice it. Until then I hope to be better at pissing of people :P I'm kidding! I wish there was a way to get better at this kind of stuff though say some practical lab sessions than through real life experiences. To conclude forgiveness is not for the week hearted! 

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